Monday, October 2
Much Ado About Nothing
Last week I asked you to take a quick quiz; thanks to all of you who did so. The idea came from a conversation Tad and I had when he told me he had bloggers figured out. "I bet most bloggers' main love language is 'words of affirmation', and if they're married, their spouse's is something else." The man has known me for almost 25 years, he knows what a word of encouragement will do. He reads your comments, so I guess he was just generalizing and drawing conclusions based on what he knew about me. I thought it was an interesting idea, so, what better way to find out than to ask y'all?

Based on your feedback, he was more wrong than right, though. Hardly a large enough sample to draw real conclusions, here are your results: (PENSIEVE) Bloggers' primary or secondary love language was split equally between "Words of Affirmation" and "Acts of Service", both at 30%. "Quality Time" came in third at about 22%. As far as your spouses are concerned (and much fewer of those were given), their main love languages are split also evenly, but between "Acts of Service" and "Quality Time"; "Physical Touch" came in a close third.

Particularly for those who have never heard of them, this 30-second assessment is almost a disservice to Gary Smalley's book which delves into the languages much more deeply. When we went through a study together years ago, learning what speaks love to Tad, and for him, what speaks love to me was revolutionary in our communication with each other. In other words, I could tell him repeatedly how much I loved him, send him cards or emails, or offer general words of encouragement, and it would do little to make him feel loved. B u t, ah....program the coffee maker so it's brewing when he gets up at 5:30 a.m. (and I'm still snoozing) or iron his shirts (which he KNOWS I HATE to do because I'm slow AND bad at it) or put away the clean dishes after I washed them (because, growing up, we left them on the counter 'til the next day, and that's just fine with me, but drives him nuts), and he feels loved. Conversely, he can wash three loads of laundry or clean out my car and I barely notice...BUT send me a two-line email or spicy text message and I'm floating six inches off the floor. It doesn't take many "words" when they're spoken in "our" language.

Contrary to Willowtree's accusation, I was not trying to capture blog traffic with that question (smack smack). But, hey, he's given me an idea for my next post, so I need to thank him...goodness knows, I've done my share of "inspiring" him, most of the time, unwittingly.

  Into the pensieve on Monday, October 02, 2006
  Your thoughts, please (9)

At October 02, 2006, Blogger Susan in va said...

I know exactly how you feel. Sometimes my husband will leave me a note next to the coffee pot (because he knows that's the one guaranteed place I'll go) and it absolutely makes my day. And if he feels so compelled to do the dishes too....well, I'd be on cloud nine!

At October 02, 2006, Blogger Swampwitch said...

I'm always amazed at what he doesn't notice...clean house,mopped floors, shiny window, laundry folded and put away, (ironed, too) etc., but, put the suitcase in the 'wrong' place...He can trip over his own shoes, but not mine...go figure.:) Can't wait to see what your new post will be that was inspired by **smack smack** accusations.

At October 02, 2006, Blogger Malissa said...

I apologize for not taking your quiz!

My language is gifts though so while words of affirmation are "nice" they don't make me feel loved.

Does that help your study any? My dh's is acts of service.

The book really is great! Helped me understand a lot of things about my hubby.

At October 02, 2006, Blogger Pamela said...

I'm glad we could mess with his mind.

At October 02, 2006, Blogger Karmyn R said...

Now it all makes sense....but, he did have a point. Of course - when I was thinking of LOVE - I was thinking of it coming from my husband and NOT my blogging community.

So - yes, he would be right if I had put it in that perspective.

At October 03, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Girl - I don't like when I get too busy and miss all the fun. I have to scroll down and check out the post.
I don't know, but when I listen to my Sweetheart read me stuff from the internet that makes him happy - not sure if makes him feeled loved though :).

At October 03, 2006, Blogger Susannah said...

You know what, I never could choose! I like all the love languages... why settle for just a few? *-)))

At October 03, 2006, Blogger Mary said...

I was going to respond to your quiz , but realized the husband had already gone to bed. Besides there was no" acts of allowing rest" answer on the test, he would tell you that actually letting him drift peacefully off to sleep instead of talking him to death is how he prefers to be shown love. :O)

the book sounds very interesting, I am always complaining that we don't communicate as well as I'd like.

Usually while he is trying to sleep.

Maybe I should check it out on Amazon.;O)

At October 04, 2006, Blogger Lori said...

Great post, Robin. It makes SOOO much difference when we're spoken to in our language.


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Married to my college sweet-heart :)...three GREAT kids I'm not selling to the circus today...I LOVE to laugh (& smile often) to read & cook, hate to shop (unless the store is very small and doesn't leave me dazed and confused). I'm scared of flying so although I'd like to travel more, I don't.

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Here's a partial explanation for my Blog title. I think it'd be cool if they really existed.

A Pensieve is a stone basin.... [One] can extract his or her own memories and place them in the Pensieve, especially to relieve the mind when it becomes too flooded with information. Anyone can examine the memories in the Pensieve, which also allows viewers to fully immerse themselves in the memories stored within...

A Pensieve first appears in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire...

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